I am 14 years old. I have just lined up my first job. 3 afternoons a week I catch the bus to a little Fish ‘N’ Chip shop where I slave away over hot grills and serve overweight, dole-bludging, toothless-grinned, barefoot & pregnant gutter feeders (can’t you just feel my sincere appreciation of small-town folk?). Already I can tell this job is going to open my eyes as to how monotonous a place the world can really be. While my friends are riding motorbikes ‘round and goin’ fishing in the arvo’s, I’m here… plotting my escape. The ONLY redeeming factor of this job is that we have 2 arcade machines in the shop. Fair enough I can only play World Hero’s 2 and Toki so many times.

 
But at least it gives me something to do until my father picks me up. So as the 9th grade drags on, and my grades slip even further (I blamed the job, my parents blamed my love of the Mega-Drive) I begin to toss up the idea of disappointing my parents (a trend which later became popular) and just ditching the job. But then it happened… the lease on Toki and World Hero’s 2 ran out and they were replaced with 2 new titles. MORTAL KOMBAT II and CAPTAIN AMERICA & THE AVENGERS! At that moment, for probably the first time, I creamed my pants! This was the answer to my prayers (NOTE: If you want to receive, just pray to every deity you can think up. I’m not sure who to be bowin’ to, but mad props to Zeus, JC, Buddha and Shiva). This is where I fell in love for the first time. A romantic tryst had begun. The following 3 months were full of fun times together. Unfortunately I became so obsessed that I was even lying to my parents. I would often tell my father I was working an extra hour after my normal shift, just so we could be together. In the end, she moved on. Who knows where to? Probably another Fish ‘N’ Chip shop, to ignite passion in the hearts of other young boys. Sure it hurt when she left, but we both knew it had to end… namely because all the money I was supposed to be saving for a car was getting spent on an arcade machine. But, I wouldn’t change a thing.



Very similar to so many side-scrolling beat-em-ups, this game wasn’t popular for its ground breaking game play. It gained notoriety because for just about the first time, we were able to play along-side a friend as our fave marvel characters! Sure Hawkeye was still in this game, but we could easily overlook that because IRON MAN was finally a playable character!

IRON MAN!!!	Pussy with no chance!

We begin with a pretty cool title screen and then we’re into the character selection!

Holy crap! 2 players?	For some reason, Captain America and Hawkeye are now an African-American.

The game is very similar story-wise to the NES doppelganger, in that Red Skull has the urge to take over the world again.  This time he has a mind control device and seizes control of the most evil villains!

What I’d like to know is; if he can use his mind control device on the villains, why not just use it on the Avengers instead? But enough of that “GO AT ONCE, AVENGERS! TRY TO CRUSH HIS EVIL SCHEME!”

I love that they said TRY.	Yeah, yeah we all know Mega-Drive didn’t have the best graphics.

AND … we’re into it!

This is basically what you’ll see for the rest of the game. The same robotic minions, some with grappling arms, others with lasers try to take you down… wave after wave. Here’s a bit of advice for any game developers who may be drunk and happen upon this review. Simply changing the colours of enemies is fucking stupid! It’s not a break through, as Grandma’s Boy might have us believe. Gamers don’t like it! You might think that it’d get tedious, but it all goes by quite quickly and is broken up by Boss Battles! You can always look forward to witty banter between your hero and the villain you’re about to battle. If you ever get the chance to play the Mega-Drive version, listen closely to the voices because it’s just the one actor for everyone!

Once again, there are cameos by some of the more useless heroes.

Quicksilver? Didn’t he turn out to be a villain?	Wonderman? Get a real job mate!

So end of the 1st level we take on Whirlwind. This guy can be beaten in under a minute, he’s so easy! I love the banter before the battle! Oh and his laugh!

Ok, 2nd level now and we’re in a city beating up the same thug-robots.

We get about half way through the level, when Wonderman shows up! He arrives just in time too because Captain America cannot continue jumping from roof to roof (possibly it’ll ruin his pansy-red booties) so he gives us a fantastic flying machine! YAY! … Wait a minute…

WTF is that? It looks like I’m riding around on an old person’s scooter!

Remember this when looking at the next picture.	It doesn’t even have a gun! I STILL have to peg my shield from this Pacemaker Cruiser!

Getting through this part of the stage is easy as. There are more robo-thugs on their own, much cooler versions of the Pacemaker Cruiser WITH GUNS! All of a sudden I’m flying up to a pickup that looks like a W. Wonderman? I’m wondering to myself. So out of curiosity,

I collect the icon . . . . .

Looks like a upside down McDonalds Logo!	Don’t ya hate it when you’re riding and a bug hits your windscreen?

OH… MY… GOD! It’s Wasp! NOOOOOO! I haven’t forgotten about our last encounter Wasp! You miniature BITCH!

Finally, she flies off as we approach the end of the level. Boss Battle Time! Giant robots are so lame but we still love ‘em, oh yes we do!

Kill you all? There’s only one of me mate!	Beware his 3 frame punch!

Then back on the city streets!

There was a store called data east?	Lifting barrels, great way to keep in shape!

Strangely this game is horrible to write about but it all goes so quickly when you’re actually playing it. One thing I really wanted to compliment was the speed of your character. Normally in these games, you move around slower than a snail on Ritalin. In this game, you move even faster than the enemies. Not done very often in any game. End of the city streets and we encounter the Grim Reaper.

I sure did!	Thats one way to trim the hedges!

I decided to use Hawkeye for a change here, he lasted about one second into the fight. God, I hate him almost as much as wasp.
Level 4! Time to get your cossie on and kick ass on an aircraft carrier. Is it wrong that “In the navy” was going through my head while I was on this level?

Mid level we encounter… I think his name was The Wizard.

I just love their ‘accusing’ stance!	That would explain why alot of kids were saying shut up in the early 90's.

Kicked his ass then the Submariner shows up and cracks the case!

They’re in the sea! HOLY SHIT! I would have NEVER worked that out! Thanks for nothing douche bag! Why don’t you go fuck some catfish and swim in some more sewerage you dirty fuck? *Ahem*
So we plod along killing evil land mines and explosive scuba-men (every time I say scuba, I can’t help but think of Venture Bros… Scuba, scuba, scuba… Say scuba). Then it’s another Boss Battle!

Ahhh... the long open road or in this case ocean.	Make seaweed of me? How is that physically possible?

 OMG! Does this boss look familiar to anybody else? Stacy?

Need I draw a comparison?	There you go.

You still reading this review? Wow, you must be finding it as tiresome as I did while writing it. Honestly, this game’s great (spesh if you’ve got a mate) and you just want instant & fun action. However, to have to think about every level, every boss bit by bit is quite straining. So, out of my love for you (my adoring public), I’m going to speed it up!

We kill the Alex Kidd Super Mega Turbo Ultra Mecha Octopus and enter the Sea base… possibly used for harvesting kelp? (I hope this isn’t pod 6) and battle some more bot-thugs and even WALLS this time! We reach the end and, in a similar fashion to the NES conversion, we fight that Shredder wannabe Mandarin!

Surely teaching kids to lift and throw rockets isn’t very responsible Cap!	See my power? Ok, as long as POWER’S not slang for a particular body part!

Mandarin has actually got a pretty kick ass array of powers, but don’t be fooled he can be taken down quite easily with the most valuable move in the game: Jump Kick! Once you kill him, Red Skull appears on the 150” plasma and issues you with a challenge.

We located his secret moon base which he intends to not only destroy America with, but also the ENTIRE EARTH! Actually, would anybody mind America coppin it?

He intends to arm his secret moon base with … get this, a GIANT LASER CANNON! This plot sounds familiar to me!

Remind you of anything?	I THOUGHT SO!

But how will we get to the Moon base? I know; we’ll take the QUINJET!

You’ll remember last time it was lost by Tony Stark in a drunken gamble in Las Vegas or some bullshit!	That's a simple statement!

The intro on the Mega-drive version for this bit should have just been left out. One single sprite, slooooowly moving across a backdrop of stars… woo? It felt like I was playing Commander Keen or something! Another mini-boss and my knowledge of Marvel characters isn’t quite what I thought it was cuz I don’t recognize most of them. Then we find the location of the Laser Cannon and we’re up, up and away to destroy it!

Another Galaga style level flying through space, shooting bad guys until we arrive at the cannon. It literally takes one jump attack to destroy it!

Cheap or what!? Then we fight these 2 retarded twins, Crossbones and then we’re finally at RED SKULL!

So I kick his butt and suddenly he wigs out and turns into this HUGE FUCKING ROBOT! Plot twists like this are what I love about 90’s games :D  Honestly, the NES had a better ending than the Mega-drive version. Least there were a couple of screen shots on the NES.

Mega-drive has Captain America flying around the screen while the credits roll. Woopdeedoo! I know I’ve kinda approached this review in a negative way… but this is one of those classic games that just needs to be played. No thinking involved, just pop in a coin and let the fun begin! If you haven’t played it, get your hands on a copy (SNES was definitely superior) and grab a mate beacause it’s wicked in 2 player.

Ok, now you can go on with your life. Till next time, stay frosty.

Ranted by Benny J